What is frustrating is that I actually had one of the more restful nights of sleep in a long, longggg time. I didn't have to get up every 2 hours or so & visit the head. I didn't wake up at say three am with real bad gas pains or napalm-like heartburn. Wasn't worrying about...nothing. No tossing & turning. Nope. Toby was real cool, let me sleep past 7.
Yeah I just slept like a log.
But i could have stayed in bed, easily, stayed in bed, like all day.
I must've been real bored while taking a shower - usually my mind is rolling thru thoughts, ideas, what I want to do today, blah blah. But today, it was like I was going down a check list of what is currently ailing me. fatigue; check -- hold on, this is my off-week for chemo, I should start feeling less fatigued, not more. Whatever. Start again.
fatigue; check
recently rearranged/rerouted digestive system, feels what?, bad? it usually feels bad. Sick, yeah that's a good way to describe how my guts feel, they just feel sick; check
nausea; check (gotta love feeling fatigued & nauseous at 7:38 in the morn.)
odd burning sensation in arm from last round of chemo; check
strange sick taste in mouth; check
There's a very good book written by colon cancer survivor Curtis Pesmen called The Colon Cancer Survivors' Guide: Living Stronger, Longer. Wow, surprises me no one has commented on his book @ Amazon. {mental note to do so} Mr. Pesmen is very candid and brutally honest in detailing his fight vs. lil' bitch boy (aka cancer). He went through some things I don't want to even imagine myself going through. Great book. Very talented writer. In the book, he mentions how once in a while he & his wife have what they call a F*ck You day. What a great idea! I loved that. Seriously, what a great F*, okokok - you get that I like the idea. Basically, during a FU Day, you just let'er rip. You imagine saying whatever is on your mind, to anyone, with zero repercussions. You tell your conscious to chill out for a while. You conveniently forget the manners your Mom taught you. Improvise. Freeway Jam! Go for it!
To the gal who takes wayyyy too long to decide what type of coffee drink to order:
"JUST PICK A F*CKIN' CAFFEINE-LADEN DRINK AND MOVE ON!".
To the driver of the mini van who is barley doing the speed limit - in the left lane of the highway:
"GET THE BLOODY HELL OUTA THE LEFT LANE!!!"
To a totally innocent acquittance or neighbor who means well, saying that you {me} look great:
"I'VE HAD DIARRHEA FOR THE PAST 4 DAYS, MY ASS HURTS"
ummm, yeh, you get the idea.
Thanks Curtis, I do feel better.
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